they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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