My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
