youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
