So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
