I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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