Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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