bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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