So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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