im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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