oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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