He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we're making bets on your personal life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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