he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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