I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
