sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
