I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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