i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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