we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
