I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
