my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
