Farmville is her only friend.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
