Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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