As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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