Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
