I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
