someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
