ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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