Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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