i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
