I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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