She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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