I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
sex in a hospital.. check
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
