i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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