O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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