Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
