you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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