There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
