bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
