There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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