So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
