He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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