I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
