You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
