He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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