a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
