I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
