I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
