Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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