I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
