it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
