my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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