Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
