Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
