He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
