My room smells like vodka and shame
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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