awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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