just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
