Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
