Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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