Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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