Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
