I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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