I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
