Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
