his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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