3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
