All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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