I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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