I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
