My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
