how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
