The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
