I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
