she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
