Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
