Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
