11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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