Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
