i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
