ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
