I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
