Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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